Talk about incredible genes! These five celebrities look great, despite all being well over forty! Sadly, the same cannot be said for the other five, who must age twice as fast to maintain the Great Balance.
1. Johnny Depp
At fifty-three years old, the Pirates of the Caribbean star looks just as dashing as he did back in his days on 21 Jump Street. There’s no two ways about this one — Johnny Depp just doesn’t seem to age!
1(a). Daniel Radcliffe
In order to make up for Depp’s good looks, Daniel Radcliffe is currently aging at a rate roughly twice that of a normal human. The youthful charm that made viewers fall in love with him as Harry Potter will disappear all too soon. Let us give thanks for Radcliffe’s selflessness as he sacrifices himself for the good of the natural order.
2. Sandra Bullock
Here’s something you never would have guessed: Sandra Bullock is fifty-two years old! Frankly, most of us would be happy to look as good as she does at thirty-two. Unreal.
2(a). Dave Franco
Alas, the younger of the Franco brothers will also be the first to expire. In order to balance out Sandra Bullock’s inexplicable ability to defy the ravaging effects of time, Dave Franco is doomed to endure these effects at twice their usual capacity. Sad? Yes. A necessary evil so as not to upset to Supreme Harmony of Existence? Also yes.
3. Leonardo DiCaprio
Leonardo DiCaprio is like a fine wine — he just gets better with age! Fresh off his first over Oscar win, “Lucky Leo” is looking gorgeous as ever. What’s his secret?!
3(a). Margot Robbie
Beautiful though she is now, this Australian starlet’s flawless facial features will soon succumb to an untimely decay, her grace and poise giving way to frailty and exhaustion. Such is the price we pay for Leonardo DiCaprio’s eternal youth.
4. Robert Downey Jr.
Despite a few wrinkles around his eyes, Tony Stark is still smokin’ hot in 2016. With his chiseled jawline, classic goatee, and characteristic smirk, Downey Jr. continues to give the finger to the process of aging.
4(a). Quvenzhané Wallis
The youngest actress ever to be nominated for Best Actress at the Academy Awards, Wallis won American hearts with her prodigious performance in the stunning Beasts of the Southern Wild. She will die of old age at thirty-seven that her life-blood may sustain Robert Downey Jr.’s paradisal beauty for another half century.
5. Halle Berry
“Hang on,” you say. “There’s no way Halle Berry is fifty years old!” We can’t blame you for being skeptical — she looks ah-mazing. Will Berry ever show any signs of aging? We can’t predict the future, but it sure doesn’t look like it.
5(a). Ellen Page
Did you not expect to pay a price for Halle Berry’s perfect skin and impeccable cheekbones? Are you so arrogant as to want something for nothing? We are mere mortals, powerless against the unyielding fanfare of time, and only when Ellen Page’s emaciated corpse is offered up to the Gods will we truly atone for our hubris.