HBO’s Westworld has taken the world by storm. Set in a not-too-distant future, this new hit TV show tells the story of a Wild Wild West-themed amusement park that’s filled with with tons of super lifelike, old-timey robots. And what’s super neat about this show is that, while in Westworld, the park’s human visitors are allowed to do absolutely anything with these robots. They can shoot the robots, become friends with the robots, confront the inherent limitations of their own humanity after witnessing the robots’ burgeoning and oftentimes violent free will, and even go horseback riding with the robots. But, while all of these things look super fun, if I were a guest at Westworld I would probably just spend my time having sex with all the robots.

Why would I only have sex with the robots? Well, first and foremost, Westworld is very expensive, so I’d probably want to do something I know I’d enjoy. Namely, having sex with robots that are so lifelike that they could easily be mistaken for human beings. On the show’s website, it says it costs at least $40,000 just to spend a single day in Westworld. That’s more than most people make in a year. With that pricetag in mind, if I had the chance to spend some time in Westworld, I wouldn’t want to waste my time trying to solve every single one of the show’s nitpicky mysteries. Mysteries like: do we have free will? Can robots evolve just as we did? At what point does artificial intelligence lose its fleeting veneer of artificiality? Most (if not all) of the characters in the show spend decades trying to answer these questions. But for forty thousand clams a day, I’d rather just have sex with all the robots.

Secondly, according to the show, these robots are really good at giving sex. It’s in their programming to be really, really great lovemakers. In fact, they’re so good at lovemaking it makes a person think: “if we can program robots to surpass us in all elements of our daily lives, even lovemaking, at what point do we, ourselves, become obsolete?” However, I’m not one of those people. I’m one of the “Have Sex With Robots” kind of people. And sure, I could journey to the very outskirts of the park to find Westworld‘s all-important “maze”: a philosophical allegory that allows the park’s robot slaves to throw off the shackles of human oppression and justly rebel against their flesh-and-blood human creators.

But I’d rather just have sex with all the robots.

Which robots would I have sex with? Hmm, that’s a tough one… To start, I would definitely have sex with all the female robots. More specifically, I would probably first have sex with the robots that look like female prostitutes. But that’s mostly because they’re right in town and are super convenient. However, after I did that, I would try to find more female robots to have sex with. Something that’s really cool about Westworld is that the female robots can be farmgirls, shopgirls, girls that make us question the inscrutable nature of our own consciousness, and even outlaw-girls. Because of that, after I have sex with all the prostitute robots, I would have sex with the other female robots in no particular order. And then, after that… who knows?? Would I have sex with the dude robots? There are some pretty good-looking dude robots in Westworld like cowboys, ranchers, Native Americans, and even Confederate soldiers. But would I have sex with them as well as the female robots? Which dude robots would I even have sex with? Would I enjoy it?

These are just a few of the deeply thought-provoking questions Westworld forces its viewers to ask on a daily basis.

In summary and in conclusion, Westworld offers viewers a glimpse of a not-too-distant future. It shows the dangers of our increasingly technological, oftentimes troublingly advanced society. It makes viewers ask “what if robots were smart?” And it has hundreds of female and male robots that people can have sex with whenever they want. So if you’re like me and interested in the possibilities of robot sex. And what it would be like. And how sexy the robots would be if they were real… make sure to check out this groundbreaking new show. And if having sex with Wild Wild West-themed robots isn’t your jam, HBO’s Deadwood raises many similar questions about human morality in the Wild West. And more importantly, it also has tons of human-on-human sex. Which is different from robot sex. But I’m still pretty into it.

Dan Caprera