“(The) President cannot obstruct justice because he is the chief law enforcement officer under (the Constitution’s Article II) and has every right to express his view of any case,”

— John Dowd, lawyer for Donald Trump, via Axios (12/4/17)


Hey there folks, John Dowd here.

As I’m sure you’re all aware, my client, President Trump, has received a fair amount of negative press over the past year. And now, just because he made a few “boo boos” in his first few months, many people believe that the president should be charged with obstruction of justice. And that he should be removed from office immediately.

Unfortunately, while these arguments are certainly compelling, let me just set the record straight right here, right now… The President of the United States cannot be charged with obstruction of justice.

It simply cannot happen.

Unless, of course, the president in question is either Richard Nixon or Bill Clinton. In which case, yes, the president can definitely be charged with obstruction.

But let’s face it, those two presidents are clearly exceptions to the rule… right?

Let’s just consider the facts: while Mr. Trump has certainly made some “poor decisions” during the FBI’s ongoing Russia investigation, we still need to remember that he is the president. And, according to the second article of the United States Constitution, the president is the nation’s chief lawmaker.

Answer me this folks… could the chief lawmaker of the USA ever be accused of breaking the law? Of course not! That would be like accusing a local police chief of corruption. And that’s something that just doesn’t happen in America! In fact, wasn’t it a former-president who once argued that: “when the President does it, that means that it is not illegal”? Seriously, in what world could Trump possibly be charged with obstruction? He’s the highest power in the land, gosh-darnit!

And yes, Richard Nixon was the man responsible for that last quote. And yes, both Richard Nixon and Bill Clinton were eventually charged with obstructing justice during their respective impeachment trials in 1973 and 1999. But still, other than those two completely irrelevant examples… my client is unimpugnable!

Besides, the actions of President Trump are almost entirely different from the actions of either Nixon or Clinton! For example, my client, Donald Trump, has been accused of, quote, “impeding the due course of justice” after firing FBI Director James Comey. On the other hand, conversely, Richard Nixon was accused of, quote, “impeding the due course of justice” after firing Archibald Cox–the special prosecutor in charge of investigating Watergate.

These two examples are as different as night and day, people!

Moreover, while my client has been accused of concealing evidence from the FBI… in 1999, Bill Clinton was accused of lying under oath. And of concealing evidence from the FBI!

I can’t believe this is even a debate we’re having in 2017!

Look, I’ll be the first to admit it: is my client a saint? No. God no. And trust me, if he wasn’t the president (and also, if he wasn’t paying me several hundred thousand dollars a year to defend him), I’d be right there with you cheering “lock him up! Lock him up!” But seriously, are we so petty a nation as to disregard the US Constitution in favor of these needless, partisan squabbles? Of course not.

Look. At the end of the day, the president is above the law. Without question. Without exception.

Except, obviously, for all the times when the president was not above the law. But again, those don’t count. Right?